Do you ever have those days where no matter how much you get done, you never feel productive? The days where everything feels a little out of place, and your clothes don't fit exactly like you want them to, and your favorite food doesn't taste as good, and there's no real explanation for any it? Yesterday was one of those days for me.
I had my day planned out, including my outfit, and the blogpost I was going to do after I got home from school. It was going to be a quick outfit post, saying "Hey! Here's me wearing a sheer Zara shirt and a 100% Human shirt, topped off with a collar I made myself!" (which is all pictured above, btw). But I was just in such a weird mood, it almost felt like I was being artificial in writing something so unsubstantial. I just felt like I wasn't being honest to only write about what I looked like from the outside, when there was so much going on inside.
I was thinking about how I felt, which was like crying, even though there wasn't something really wrong. As I felt the tears welling in my eyes, I kept trying to come up with reasons for why they were there. "Is something wrong with me? Did something happen today that made me upset? Am I about to get my period?" But the answer was no to all of these questions, which made me even more frustrated. I think that as human beings, we have to have excuses and justifications for everything we feel or do, and not even to other humans, but to ourselves.
At this point, I looked down at my shirt, which read 100% Human.
This shirt was created as an advocate for human rights, saying we're all more alike than we are different, since we are all 100% human. I love this idea, and in no way am I trying to undermine it, because I think it's one of the most important philosophies in the world right now. But I think it can be stretched to include other ideas too.
Humans are a vulnerable species, whether we like to admit it or not. We can put up barriers between each other, and we can act strong, or like we don't care, but the truth is that we feel a spectrum of emotions every single day, and unlike our actions or words, we can't really control this. So why do we need to justify this to ourselves, and others? Why is it so looked down upon to cry in public? And why do we automatically look crazy if we walk around smiling? Why does everyone have to pretend they feel "fine" or "good" every time the cashier asks? I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure not everyone feels "fine" all the time. Sometimes we feel ecstatic, and other times we feel totally despondent. And this is ok! This is what makes us 100% human.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish that there was more honesty about emotions, and more of a dialogue between all people, regardless of how well you know each other, or how much you may think you have in common. I think it would be cool if you could tell your cashier that you felt really excited because you just ordered a cool new sweater and it could be at your house any minute now. And then, maybe your cashier could tell you that honestly, they're not having the best day ever because their dog ran away that morning and they haven't found her yet.
A little bit of honesty can do a lot of good. I think if everyone was more open, (and I'm included in everyone) people might feel less alone in their own situations, and their could even be a bigger sense of community in the world, because that is slipping away. Sure, everyone has digital connections with other people, but how many real human connections do we make on a daily basis? Not enough, in my opinion.
And, on a totally different side note, I did make this collar the other day, and embroidered it myself. It's a really fun way to jazz up a simple outfit.